No worries, this isn’t about money anyway. Not exactly.
Last week was very illuminating. The Air conditioner died when all the spare cash had already been allocated to fixing the cat’s torn knee ligament. It’s been 84F to 91F in the house at bedtime. Also, it’s back to school for my kids. This isn’t to bemoan my lack of liquid funds, it’s to help me remember that very recently another kind of emergency happened.
It was an auto repair sort of emergency, but it was the great information I gathered from it that mattered. On the way to the shop, I felt a clutching sensation, like a fist squeezing my solar plexus. So I shifted my thoughts from “How are we going to pay for this?” to “What is this feeling all about?” and I understood clearly that it was my fear of lack. Wanting to get off of that particular train, I went with the positive, “I acknowledge there is enough abundance in the universe for everyone and I’m open to it.” And yes, I meant it. Which might be why the next part happened.
I got a mental image of all the wonderful things the Universe is sending my way, where it all blended into a beautiful swirling light, being poured through a giant funnel just for me. Remember abundance isn’t just material wealth, but love and health too, including personal health and self-love. Under the funnel was a huge outdoor faucet, and there I was, standing under it like a thirsty desert dweller, only it was turned, very nearly, off. One big drop fell from it after a long interval and sure, I saw myself with my arms up, accepting that splash happily, but really… just a drop?! ONE DROP?! As I questioned this, I began to understand that I’ve contented myself with this amount now and then, and, that I take it as a kind of personal challenge. Not to mention the underlying beliefs of low self worth that all this implies. Did you hear the needle scratch across the record right then?
Ugh. Really? … It felt true. I did a little (EFT) tapping over the heart, “I’m willing to release this fear so I can be free.” A tiny flake of rust flew off the faucet. YEAH! Cause to celebrate indeed. I thought I was doing great and then… the cat began limping, the vet thinks a car hit our pet. The A/C died, and so on and so forth. Wonderfully, I didn’t feel myself slip into the old gripping fear when I looked over where I am in my financial life. There is no one to blame, and incredibly enough, I didn’t want to. Now I just want a way to change it.
I’ve decided to view of all these new areas in our life that money needs to go to, as a kind of pre-flight check list. For me, it’s the Universe saying, “Before take-off, double check you’ve let go of all the fear that blocks abundance for you.” With each new thing simply being there to have me look for any other areas where I might be stuck, or rusted, such as:
*judging others and how they choose to spend their money –
*not staying in the moment to go off into a daydream of winning the lotto –
*getting angry because there aren’t funds to do much of anything –
Thankfully, I haven’t felt jealous over the good fortune of others, instead I am happy for them. My kids not only understood the situation, but agreed whole heartedly that cat repair was job one. I also pushed aside my pride and explained where I’m at to friends, so they would understand why I’m turning down invites out. When lo, it was clear that those who love me aren’t judging me about money or the material things I own. Instead they have been understanding and supportive which buoyed me through the hot days.
Then the marine layer came in and cooled things down, and a friend sent me a link to a Living Source coupon to help with repairing the A/C unit. It turned out, that $44 coupon was all it took to get the unit up and running. Last night, the house was bearable to live in. And our lovable cat is home from surgery, going to heal up beautifully, and I am grateful for it all.