I’ve been meditating on the idea of loving myself. I know, it sounds odd doesn’t it? When this first came up years ago, I remember thinking, “That’s crazy, of course I love myself.” and then I dismissed the idea that I had any sort of work to do. Ehem. Recently, I’ve been given the impression I still have a little ways to go on that score. Actually, it wasn’t an impression, it was clear as a bell, there is still something left undone. Gotcha.
During the next meditation, my favorite Buddhist monk shows up, and I ask him which direction I might go in so that I can learn to fully love myself.
I got back another riddle like, non answer-question, “Which comes first, loving the self or loving others?” With that came a visual of a hallway with a closed door in the middle of it. The door opened, closed, opened and closed, and I understood that I control this. When I get to where I want to be, there will be no door. It will disappear, leaving an opening for the free flow of love, without hindrance.
So far I’m pondering what makes up the door, judgment comes to mind. What else do we use to close ourselves off from one another, expectation? Attachment? I’ve stopped there for awhile, the doors here, are locked. Duhn duhn duhn… it get’s curiouser and curiouser.