I see things most people don’t. At first I was scared to see lights around people. Sure it was strikingly beautiful, but don’t crazy people see things that aren’t there? I remember squeezing my eyes shut and telling myself, “I’m not seeing this.” When I opened them again, it worked, the lights were gone. I walked out choking back tears as I recalled the breathtaking beauty of a mall full of people shining with light.
Over time I’ve had to adjust to seeing more than lights around people, a heck of a lot more. It’s been a crazy ride to say the least. Some would call it a gift. I didn’t, it made me unhappy to be different in a way that made so many people … uncomfortable. Namely me. Aren’t gifts supposed to make a person happy? I wasn’t happy, I was questioning my sanity. Thankfully, getting messages confirmed, when there was no way I could have known specific information, helped quite a bit. That was a load off. All the same, I spent a lot of time telling myself this is nice, but not really necessary. I’d list the things I want to do with my life; raise my kids, travel, write, help people see the better parts of themselves in the least unusual way possible, and all … that other stuff (makes broad hand gestures to the side), didn’t make the cut.
I keep all this in the proverbial closet, which strikes me as fair since I didn’t ask for it. I dust it off once in a while for close friends, the occasional stranger who has an especially persistent spirit around them, and I secretly use it while working with clients, who are often amazed when I can pinpoint their issues so well.
The other day I used the gift for a friend. It was her birthday and as we chatted, loads of calls came through from passed on loved ones, and I told her about them. People I never knew or heard of sent messages of love. At the end of the exchange, they showed me a phone booth with a line of people waiting to use it. They were laughing and sort of nudging me with this visual until I realized, I am the phone booth. It turned out I wasn’t just relaying messages to a friend, but getting one for myself; follow your passions, follow the love. The clincher came when someone else asked me how I felt when doing this work, and how I felt afterwards? The whole time I feel the joy and love being sent, and afterwards I’m full of energy. It’s pretty cool to have a part in showing people there is more love in the world than they knew. I’m happy with that, thrilled even.
So, taking a deep breath, hearing Sam Jackson in my head saying, “hold onto your butts”, and shrugging my shoulders at folks who’ll invariably think I’m off my rocker, here I go. Time to fully embrace this gift.